There's an 87% Chance Linus Torvalds Hates Your Code, Study Finds

By Staff Writers

A study from the Massachusetts Institute of Technology has found that there is a staggering 87% chance that Linus Torvalds will in fact hate your code and possibly even wish a pox upon your family.

Professor Jim Shaw, who lead the study, said the findings strongly correlated with the anecdotal accounts from several Linux kernel contributors. “Even before we conducted this study, we had numerous accounts from those Linux code contributors who had their code lambasted by Mr. Torvalds,” he said. “Some of them were even quite emotional about it and it’s understandable really. In the most tame instances, coders had their product called “****ing sh*t” and “a trainwreck that looks like the unholy spawn from an orgy of fat Slashdotters”.”

Professor Shaw says that contributors shouldn’t shy away from their work on the Linux kernel, but that they should be prepared for “total destruction” of their soul and ego. “We know Linus says what he’s thinking,” he added. “This could be a good thing. While your very being may be shattered and humiliated and potentially even cause an existential crisis, at least the Linux kernel gets maintained to the highest standards.”

At press time, Linus Torvalds has reportedly labeled the study “absolute stupid dog crap” and says that Professor Shaw is a “dumbass monkey on crack” who should “rethink his day job”. “It shouldn’t require a freaking study for anyone to know that,” he told reporters.