Parents Ashamed of Non-Hacker 'noob' Son

By Staff Writers

Peering through the bedroom door as their son interacted with various onscreen colourful buttons and windows at the same time as uploading photos to Instagram, the parents of local teen, Michael Angelo, couldn’t hide their obvious disappointment.

Speaking to reporters from their home on Thursday, David and Diana Angelo made it clear that 16 year old Michael wasn’t the computer wizz they had hoped for.

“It’s a disgrace, quite frankly,” David Angelo said. “Back in my day, those of us young’uns who could use a computer genuinely knew what we were doing. We had proper hackers. Michael is just a noob. I mean look, look at him rushing around his Fisher Price toy desktop, clicking on buttons and doing all that hipster stuff on Instant Ram or whatever they call it!”

“David goes a bit over the top, but I too had hoped Michael might be a bit more developed,” added Diana. “It’s especially frustrating when we become his tech support. He spends his time uploading and sharing pictures of his latest finds like avocado lattes and the newest themes for Mozilla Thunderbird. Just once I’d like to see him write a shell script or something. Maybe even contribute to some software, but I guess that’s just too much to ask for…”

When queried on whether they were at least glad that their son was a Linux user, Mr. Angelo was quick to speak up. “First of all, it’s GNU plus Linux. In our household we’ll at least get that right, okay? Secondly, maybe, but he wastes brain cells like his desktop environments waste system resources.”

Our reporters tried to ask Michael Angelo himself a few questions but Mr and Mrs. Angelo protested, believing that Micheal would “just embarrass them” and they doubted that he “even knew what init system his distribution was running”.

“I’d actually be much more impressed if he got arrested for hacktivism or something,” David added. “As it is, Diana and I are seriously considering moving out. But, no doubt, he’d still end up calling us up and asking for help downgrading a dodgy package upgrade or some other problem. We’re so over it.”