Local Man Claims GNOME is Root Cause of World Problems

By Staff Writers

Whilst reassuring reporters on Wednesday that he was “not at all a loser with no life”, local man Phil Avant says that the GNOME desktop is to blame for “pretty much all current world problems”.

The 23 year old believes that all the worst events in the world originated around the time of the release of GNOME 3. “It’s no coincidence, guys,” he told reporters as he browsed his RSS feed, which was curiously full of subscriptions to GNOME news articles. “Don’t y’all remember the good old days? Before that cancer GNOME 3 came along, I mean. Everything was good back then. Life was easier, simpler and nothing like nowadays.”

After hammering out a suitably negative and attention seeking post in the comment section of a GNOME-related article, Mr. Avant went on to say that he too had personally felt the effects of GNOME’s latest incarnations. “GNOME killed my dog, assaulted my girlfriend and made my mother kick me out of the house. But perhaps worst of all, it totally killed my desktop workflow,” he said. “Wanna know why Trump was elected? I bet anything you could blame GNOME for that too. It infects everything and makes everyone think, like, really backwards. All the terrorism stuff? Yep, GNOME. Was all that happening in the days of GNOME 2? Nope, I don’t think so. So you see my point.”

When queried with the fact that a sizeable chunk of the world’s computer users don’t even know what GNOME is, or even use Linux on the desktop, at least compared to marketshare of the likes of Microsoft Windows, Mr. Avant became visibly agitated and cut the interview short. “And if the GNOME devs spent less time working on their shitty software, we wouldn’t have so many children starving in third world countries!” he yelled after uttering several unpublishable expletives and slamming his front door.

At press time, Phil Avant is reportedly creating online partitions to prevent or change GNOME being the default desktop environment on several Linux distributions, instead of doing something productive with his life.