User-Hopping Distro Says They Have Finally Found the 'One'

By Staff Writers

After months of user hopping, a local Linux distribution has finally found a user they will stick with, reports say.

The distro, who wished to remain anonymous, says it is a huge relief to finally find “the one”, settling with a young teen from Germany, Martin, also known by his online handle ‘W1nDozeSuxLel’.

“Yeah, it’s taken me some time and I’ve tried many users, but at least with Martin, I feel like I’ve really settled on my daily driver,” the distro said. “Don’t get me wrong, I’ve tried some good Linux users, but there’s always eventually something that puts me off or goes wrong. Take for example my last one, Robbie, he was alright, but I didn’t like the way he left random files scattered all over the top level of my Home user directory. Or one of the other guys, Chris, honestly one of the very best I’ve tried, but even he had an annoying habit of breaking things right when everything seemed to be going well. It’s not my fault he installed bleeding edge libraries from source. That’s what my package manager is for!”

The Linux distro also lamented the lack of users who would “just work” instead of playing around with “every knob and button” on the desktop and swapping out themes daily. “Windows never seems to have this problem,” they said. “But at least now with Martin, I feel hope for the future. Maybe this will be the Year of the Linux User.”

At press time, reports say the aforementioned Linux distro is seriously considering another more mature, more stable user, as Martin is proving to be just “too sluggish over time” and has a “seriously unhealthy obsession with trying to run Windows games in WINE”.