systemd Set to Declare Independence

By madumlao

In another stunning display of feature creep, the systemd project is set to declare independence as a sovereign nation in the middle of Fall of 2017.

“The way we check for citizenship and nationality is inefficient, has too many edge-cases, and doesn’t take advantage of cgroups,” noted Lennart Poettering, original developer of systemd. “We’ve designed a more modern implementation in independenced.”

“Take visas, for instance. They’re basically kerberos tickets, but with none of the security. With independenced we can provide an API that ensures validity at the kernel-level. All we have to do is have all programs and the United Nations make a few additional API calls.”

independenced is a systemd service that provides citizenship for users and programs. Despite currently being in pre-alpha status, several distros have already indicated support.

“Canonical is 100% behind this new technology,” Mark Shuttleworth, CEO of Canonical, commented. “One of our strengths is reading the tech landscape, and we can tell independenced is the future.”

Not all groups were supportive of independenced, however.

“Most of the issues they mention in their rationale are non-problems,” one grumpy sysad reported. “Sure I can fake a passport. And not all nationals are citizens. And some countries have conflicting laws on dual-citizenship. And international waters are grey areas. And Antarctica. And space.”

“That’s what init scripts are for.”

When asked about how systemd will deal with legacy programs, Lennart shrugged and laughed.

“If you don’t know where a program comes from, it’s probably Chinese. That we can hardcode.”