Richard Stallman Interjects at Local Man's Funeral

By Staff Writers

A funeral for a local man of Lowell, Massachusetts, took an unexpected turn on Tuesday when the controversial founder of the Free Software Foundation and freedom advocate, Richard Stallman, seemingly appeared out of nowhere during an eulogy.

The catalyst seemed to be when the deceased man’s sister was delivering her speech and briefly touched upon the man’s “love and passion for Linux” during his life. Witnesses say Richard Stallman then appeared behind the woman and took over the microphone. “I’d just like to interject for a moment,” he’s reported to have said. “What this lady is referring to as ‘Linux’, is in fact, GNU slash Linux, or as I’ve recently taken to calling it, GNU plus Linux. Linux is not an operating system unto itself, but rather another free component of a fully functioning GNU system made useful by the GNU core libs, shell utilities and vital system components comprising a full OS (operating system) as defined by POSIX.”

Nearby friends and family were quick to cut Mr. Stallman off and demanded him to identify himself and apologise, but the man had merely waved them off. “Furthermore,” he continued. “You said your brother had been an avid user of the Steam DRM content delivery system. If that is true, then this man is truly more free now than ever! At least being dead he has all his freedoms, including the freedom to Rest In Peace, completely unburdened by non-free software.”

Witnesses say that tensions then rose dramatically but Mr. Stallman had been unwavering. The GNU Project founder even made reference to many of the funeral attendees’ “iThings” (referencing the fact they were carrying iPhones and other assorted smartphones) and put his hands into a handcuff gesture, further arguing his points about software freedom and stormed around the room, throwing his hands in the air over the amount of “proprietary software” being used, pointing to the sound system and the projector.

Reports say Mr. Stallman was last seen fleeing the funeral venue, accelerating away in a freedom respecting 1970s Toyota Cressida with the license plate “EMACS4Evr”.