New Code Submitted to Allow Man to Replace His Own Mother With systemd

By Staff Writers

Citing that this would be the big step in achieving his dreams and “getting out from under his mothers’ shadow”, local Linux enthusiast, Jerry Encel, informed reporters on Monday that the new code had been submitted and was now just waiting for review, before hopefully being merged into the systemd code stack.

“It’s been a long time coming,” said Mr. Encel, as he proudly scrolled through the lines of code on his Thinkpad laptop, in between shoving fistfuls of Cheezels into his mouth. “I consider myself somewhat of a student of Lennart Poettering, so you might say I’m fond of systemd. And it can replace pretty much anything we’ve seen thus far, so why not my mother?”

While admitting that the Cheezels, the laptop and even the faded black T-shirt bearing the phrase “There’s no place like” from 2011 that he was wearing were all provided by the mother in question, Jerry Encel says that systemd will be able to takeover all her daily duties. “And without all the constant nagging,” he added. “Like telling me to get a job. Or go make friends. Or telling me to stop spreading communist propaganda posts on Facebook. There’s only so much one man can take.”

In recent days there has been some very vocal online opponents to Mr. Encel’s proposal, with many citing that he “should have least considered replacing her with OpenRC or runit, instead of systemd” or others stating that “it is an insult to his mother to replace her with something with the complexity and UNIX-philosophy violating nature of systemd”.

At press time, Jerry Encel has reportedly also started work on another code proposal for a systemd component which he has simply named “waifud”.