Abused, Battered USB Flash Drive Dreading Distro-Hopper's Next Foray

By Staff Writers

“Please, not again. Not again!”

Those were the pitiful cries heard from a scratched up, faded and battered USB flash drive on Monday evening as it’s owner inserted it once again, preparing to make it host to their latest distro hopping adventure.

“This will be the one hundred and ninetieth time… I think. I kinda lose count,” said the USB drive, wheezing and coughing every few words underneath it’s faded and torn decals. “I make it hard for him though. You should see the amount of times he goes to put me in the slot and then has to turn me around to try again. I won’t go in without a fight, let me tell you.”

The USB drive says that the constant total rewrites and mounts have taken their toll and that there needs to be more awareness for the plight of USB thumb/flash drives, especially those owned by Linux users. “Another distro, another day where poor old me gets shoved in an empty slot, overwritten, mounted and used to power Jimmy’s latest Linux flavour of the week. Why can’t I have ended up with some kid that uses me to store some innocent homework files on or something?”

Despite having to put up with the constant “pawing of the man’s fat hairy mitts”, forced mounts and occasional unpluggings without proper ejection, the USB drive remains optimistic that things will improve in the near future. “I can feel it, you know. My amount of writes left is getting dangerously low,” it added. “And I’ll win, because I’ll be dead and Jimmy over there will be left spitting chips on some forum blaming his latest distro toy on being a failure when it refuses to boot. The thought fills my sectors with joy.”

In other related news, another man has reportedly been left disgusted upon discovering a recently purchased USB flash drive is awfully kinky, egging him on at every opportunity to “hurry up and ram it in there” and shouting “write me harder, baby!”

“I can’t help but feel violated, to be honest,” the man told reporters. “The joke will be on the thumb drive though when I install a full Linux OS on there with an ext4 filesystem with journaling enabled and GNOME Tracker.”